The Feelings Book

Experience books played an enormous part in Hadley's early language development. As learning language concepts came more readily to her, we eased off on the daily entries, then left them behind entirely. When my sons were born (both hearing), I had a moment of guilt that I was not creating these masterpieces for them...then I got over it and got back into parenting a set of twins (which has its own set of obstacles and complications).

My kids are the ones that made me return to a kind of experience book...taking a favorite published book and recreating it with your own family. When my boys were 18 months old, they were obsessed with Todd Parr books, especially "The Feelings Book" . Hadley, then 6 1/2 years old, had a renewed interest in experience books and wanted to make her own. We spent an hour going through pictures, thinking of similarities between our family life and the themes from the book, and pretty soon had a final product .
Two years later, the kids still love to read their version, talking about what they see, remembering when they were little...in short, producing rich language connections. It's just as necessary for hearing kids as it is for those who hear with some extra technology behind their ears.

Am I Hearing Now?

Hadley has fallen into a new routine these last few months where she brings her hearing aids downstairs in the morning to put them in.  She has her own system of checking them every day, a process that usually takes a minute or two.  Lately, she's been the first of the kids to wake up and she's used this time to chat with me.  Hadley is a great lip reader (self-taught; we never focused on developing this as a specific skill), and we can have a conversation surprisingly easily while her hearing aids are still out...if she is looking at me.  The problem is that she'll look down to focus on her hearing aid while I'm answering her question.  Then she'll become annoyed, thinking I ignored her.  It goes something like this:

Hadley: (all sunshine) Good morning, Mom!
Kerry: (equally sunny) Hi, Hadley!
H: So, what's the weather going to be like? (drops head to open kitchen drawer with hearing aid supplies)
K: Warm, you can wear shorts today.
H: (looks up) Mom, I said, "So what's the weather going to be like today?"
K: Warm, you can wear shorts today.
H: (sunny again) Yay!  Should I wear my pink shorts, purple shorts, or a skort? (looks back down)
K: You have gym today, wear shorts.
H: (looks up with great aggravation) Mom, aren't you going to tell me if I should wear shorts or a skort?
K: Shorts, you have gym today.
H: (with great hope) Is it warm enough to wear a tank top? (looks to side while she inserts first aid)
K: As long as you wear a sweatshirt to school.
H: (mild angst, still fiddling with aid) Mom, what do you think?  Tank top? I asked you a question!
K: (breathes deeply, counts to 10) Sure, as long as you wear a sweatshirt.
H: (one aid now on, inserting second aid)  Oh. Were you talking to me the whole time?
K: Yes.
H: Am I hearing now? (realization dawns)  Oh, yes, I am!

Of all the questions we initially had about Hadley's future, I never quite imagined a scenario where she'd be so involved in communicating orally that she'd forget whether or not she was hearing...or that I'd someday hold her accountable for her tone of voice when she couldn't even hear it herself!

The Importance of Conversation

I have to admit, it kind of irks me when people comment about Hadley's vast vocabulary or strong conversational skills, as if her skills are wildly abnormal. It's a weird thing to be bothered by-- it is a compliment to her, after all-- but the comments make me wonder if I went too far overboard in the early years of developing her spoken language. Did I do too much and now she sticks out? Many of us AVT parents have joked about how we now have to teach our children to stop talking or how they all sound like little adults with their expansive vocabularies. But behind each joke is a niggling concern that perhaps something we did in the name of therapy went above and beyond what was good for our child...

Added to this is the feeling that sometimes Hadley gets dismissed as an AVT superstar, that her skills and strengths are an anomaly and not to be expected of a "regular" hard-of-hearing child. Yes, she speaks and listens well now, but these skills were not developed easily, rather were the result of hard, hard work-- ours and hers. There were obstacles to overcome and long periods of time where we wondered how to blast through a plateau. There are still concerns, some large, some small. Just because she speaks well doesn't mean that there aren't underlying issues; living life with a hearing loss encompasses a lot more than just listening and speaking.

So, on the one hand, we work incredibly hard to provide a rich and stimulating environment for our kids that gives them ample opportunity to immerse themselves in spoken language. But, on the other hand, our kids can make it look so easy, so others have no idea of the extra effort they expend day after day after day. What's an AVT parent to do?

A fellow AVT parent shared this article last week (Conversing Helps Language Development More Than Reading Alone), which was timely as I was, once again, wondering if I offer Hadley too many opportunities to enrich her language. In short, the study examined the effectiveness of reading to a child versus engaging the child in conversation. While, of course, both are good things to do with your child, the study concluded that having a two-way conversation with your child aged 0-4 was six times as effective in developing strong language skills as talking at your child. Validation! All of those hours we spent prying responses out of Hadley were more important than the countless hours we spent reading together or narrating the world to her. No, we didn't buy a LeapPad or Hooked on Phonics or some other special DVD or set the timer to read 30 minutes a day to her. We talked. We chatted. We read. We conversed some more.

This doesn't solve the dilemma of our kids making their hearing loss look easy...that's an issue that I know we'll be dealing with on an evolving basis for years to come. But it's nice to be reminded that all we did for Hadley in those early years wasn't necessarily what we had to do because of her hearing loss. It's just good practice for any parent who wants to promote strong language development in their child.

Having been reminded of this...I have two 2 1/2 year old boys who need the same rich language environment that their sister thrived in. Time to talk, stop and listen more with them too!