Doing what's best for...

While it's always a great time to see crowds of family and friends over the holidays, it's not always the easiest of listening environments for Hadley. I'm more proactive than reactive in these situations, mainly because the combination of excitement, sugar and high energy along with the listening challenges can be a recipe for disaster. While I normally give Hadley the time and space to make her own decisions, in crowded situations I'm usually ready to step in and speak quietly and directly to her, when necessary. For those family members and friends who generally see us during the holidays or at large gatherings, they may have the sense that this is how we always interact with Hadley, hovering and intervening. Hadley makes listening and communicating seem so effortless, it's easy for people to either forget that she lives with a very significant hearing loss and sometimes struggles.

Along with the holiday chit chat, I find myself answering questions about Hadley and her hearing from well-meaning, well-intentioned adults. For whatever reason, this year several people questioned whether some of my actions were truly necessary, particularly the act of physically moving closer to Hadley in large crowds to communicate with her. Couldn't I just sign? Rely on lip reading? It's such a chore to get up and move over to her; to quote one person, "sometimes you have to do what's best for mom", that there's a lesson for kids to learn in being put second. Why don't I do what's best for me? Certainly it would be simpler for me to mouth instructions across the room to Hadley, flip my hands or fingers a few times to get my point across. Why not?

Here's the deal: at nine years old, we're halfway through our time with Hadley. In just a few short years, she's not going to have a knowing adult keeping tabs on her from across the room, silently cuing and correcting her. These are the years where she needs us to intervene, so she knows what to do in the future when it's just her. We don't want her to develop simple coping skills, we want life skills that can carry her into adulthood and beyond. That may mean pausing my own conversations to help her now. I may be on high alert during new activities (like basketball this winter), not chatting on the sidelines but instead keeping myself available to clue her in now in order to allow her to be more independent later. Some might see this as hovering, but my intent is to get as much direct information into Hadley now so she can handle the world later.

So, yes: right now, we're doing what's best for Hadley. Our time will come at some point in the future, but we only have the present to get into Hadley as much academic and social learning that is possible. Forgive us if we let a conversation pause or lapse; if we take longer than what you think is necessary; if we intervene more frequently than you think you would, if in our position. And thank you to all those people who may not exactly understand why we do all these things, but support our choices nonetheless.

Happy Holidays!

...and Happy New Year to everyone! Thanks for reading our blog!

Stirling Snowman Christmas

Get custom photo Christmas cards online at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

Calling for Backup

It's always important to have people to fall back upon in emergencies. It's even more critical when you have a child with additional needs. When Hadley was a baby, I wanted to make sure that anyone staying alone with her knew how to insert the hearing aids and do some basic troubleshooting, like change a battery. If a person was hesitant to learn these things, it was a good indicator that I should leave Hadley alone with someone else.

Hadley's much more independent with her hearing aids, and my focus has turned more toward finding people who can handle the challenge of active twins. Last weekend, however, was a huge reminder of how important it is to have a strong contingency plan in place.

My husband became very ill, very suddenly the weekend before Thanksgiving, requiring a trip to the hospital. What began as a simple trip to the ER became a three day hospital stay, resulting in a call for backup help with the kids. We're fortunate (spoiled) to have frequent contact with my family who live just a few minutes away, and the kids were happy as clams with their extended sleepover. I was able to just focus on my microworld at the hospital, Dan focused on recovering, and the kids just did their thing. It went so well, my guys are now hoping another hospitalization is necessary so they get another three night sleepover!

While this was an extreme experience that hopefully won't occur again anytime soon, it was a reminder how important it is to have a "what-if" plan in place...and doubly important when your family is a little more complicated than the norm. This week has been a return to our regular routine: regular, boring old life is pretty good!

Pool Time, Part 2

Just when you think you've got it all figured out...

Hadley's summer of swimming has gone great in this first week, but there's always bound to be a hitch when you least expect it. Hadley and her cousins were swimming at a family party a few nights ago, and all was going well: her aids were out, but Hadley was able to lip read and modulate her voice just fine. She's able to swim well enough that I could relax (somewhat) and talk with my family while I kept an eye on her. All was great...until it became dark, too dark to see faces to lip read. Night time swimming is a new thing for us! I took Hadley out of the pool so we could decide what to do. She really wanted to get back in the water, so we agreed that I would sit near a tiki torch so she could see my face. By now the darkness and bugs had driven most of my relatives inside, but a few of the bravest kept me company for another hour. Other than trying to get her attention in the dark (a noodle to the head worked well), things were fine. While I don't expect nighttime swims to be a common thing for us this summer, I might have to add a flashlight and bug spray to our car bag!